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Week 45 |Week 44 |Week 43 | Week 42 | Week 41 | Week 40 | Week 39 | Week 38 | Week 37 | Week 36 | Week 35 | Week 34 | Week 33 | Week 32 | Week 31 | Week 30 | Week 29 | Week 28 | Week 27 | Week 26 | Week 25 | Week 24 | Week 23 | Week 22 | Week 21 | Week 20 | Week 19 | Week 18 | Week 17 | Week 16 | Week 15 | Week 14 | Week 13 | Week 12 | Week 11 | Week 10 | Week 9 | Week 8 | Week 7 | Week 6 | Week 5 | Week 4 | Week 3 | Week 2 |
Week 1
Week 45
MONDAY: Wow! Feel`s like a whole new world! A new and great President and a new F1 World Champ from here in sunny Herts. See, dare to dream. Believe. Never ever give up and then and only then do great things start to happen. Quite deep for a mouse but I am Famouse!
TUESDAY: All the creatures in the woods seem so happy despite the heavy rain. Got a strange feeling that hope has arrived. Whoops! Trod on a snail. Sorry.
WEDNESDAY: Obambi called asking if I would be his White House Mouse. Love to but so busy. Advised him to get a puppy. The President-Elect is a swell guy. I know him as B.O.B. Barrack O Bambi. Forget Uncle Sam, Bob`s your uncle.
THURSDAY:Oooh. Cold and slippy. Careful where I walk as it`s so easy to slip and bang my head. As I often walk alone, I make sure I stand tall and strong even if I am little on the outside.
FRIDAY: Saw an old mouse sat by a tree selling poppies. He was making me aware of a time long ago when pride and community were not strange words.
SATURDAY: Had a nice long chat with cat sat on the mat. We are different but we both share the same hopes and aspirations so I asked him to stop chasing me. He declined, so I had a word with dog who had a word with cat.
SUNDAY: The eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month. We shall remember them.
MONDAY: Rain, rain, go away come back another blinkin` day. Alright!
Week 44
MONDAY: I read the news today oh boy! This Crunch thing seems to be getting everybody down. Never touching the said bar of chocolate again.
TUESDAY: Garden in a mess. Glad when that old Bush goes. Guess my Americee cousins feel the same.
WEDNESDAY: Sneaked into Number 10 and advised the lovely Sarah to stand by her man which she did. Good girl.
THURSDAY:Took the other ordinary mice out on a day-trip to London. They were a handful but at least they saw a little culture before returning to Chavenage.
FRIDAY: Snail was feeling funky and asked if I would paint his shell. Too busy so I asked my mate Banksie to do it. Haven`t seen Snail since. Think some art-thief has pinched him. I`m on his trail.
SATURDAY: Bored so polished my awards for an hour or two.
SUNDAY: Spotted a few more grey hairs. I`m all for youth but this isn`t the time for novices.
MONDAY: Crisis? What Crisis? Apparently there`s a recession but I`ve still got my looks.
Week 43
MONDAY: Very nice I don`t think. I put the box of Gold medal`s I won at the Olympics somewhere safe and they`ve gone missing! Think the family that live here invited BBC`s Stash In The Attic team round and they may have gone off to auction. Pooh!
TUESDAY: It`s great to be a Great Briton. Suddenly everybody is swelling with pride. Figures released for this area show that so many people are overweight. That Pride really seems to stick to the bottoms and thighs of the folk here.
WEDNESDAY: Organised a Party in The Park gig. My friend Amy is such a good singer. Don`t think we`ve heard the last of Amy Fieldmouse.
THURSDAY:Flew over to Americee to meet the charming Barack O` Bambi. I do hope he becomes President as he is such a nice guy and I`m bound to be invited to Washington and be his White House Mouse!
FRIDAY: The local children are moaning that they have to go back to school next week. Strange. Not one local shopkeeper seems too upset about their return.
SATURDAY: That old cad Leslie Weasel tried to entice me into his den. He is very charming but he eats mice! Ding Dong! He got stung on the nose and I legged it!
SUNDAY: Olivia and David stayed up late to do all the homework they were meant to complete over the holiday. I lent a hand of course with the tricky bits.
MONDAY: Guested on BBC`s Weakest Think. Mrs Robinson fancies me and kept on winking in my direction.
Week 42
MONDAY: Papers full of bad, sad news but there is a lot of Good around.
Wrote this poem today: Why does it go unnoticed? The good that lifts
the days? Hidden in its innocence, shying away from praise. I cry if I see kindness. It`s there in this house. If it gets to me, it must get to you and I am just a mouse. Maybe you didn`t see it? A heart took to flight today. Someone, somewhere felt love whisper pass their face. If it gets to me, it must get to you, so may goodness bless your house. I cry when I see kindness and I am just a mouse .When children smile and the world is fed, there`s so much peace in my head. When men fight and their sons die, I`ve nothing left but to cry. I know sadness. It`s been here and laughter stayed a while. Your tears are painful and it thunders when you smile. Me? I am a stranger in this house. I am just, at the most, a mouse.
TUESDAY: Beginning to tire. How many Gold medals so far? Oooh! Team GB is doing well but hey, it just comes natural to me.
WEDNESDAY: Hmmm. A great design, but this Birds Nest Stadium aint exactly mouse friendly. A mouse, in a birds nest? Scary!
THURSDAY: Think I`m the first real mouse to compete in the Olympics. That Disney guy thought he was a pioneer but he was taking the Mickey.
FRIDAY:TV Centre want me back urgently to front a new Tea-Time quiz. I`m enjoying myself at the Olympics so told them "not for all the tea in China. Let Wogan have it".
SATURDAY: My lycra pants are too revealing. Caused problem in the baton relay.
SUNDAY: Slept all day except to write this.
MONDAY: Home soon.Media all in a frenzy. Anyone would think I`m famous!
Week 41
MONDAY: Phew! Feel the heat. It`s too warm. Noticed that Mr Brown who lives at Number 10, was feeling a bit down so, I advised him to take a short holiday. If those Norfolk broads can`t ease his mind, I don`t know who can.
TUESDAY: Had a nice long chat with my Americee pal Barrack O` Bambi. We took a short stroll in Mr Brown`s garden at Number 10.
WEDNESDAY: Yes, it`s beautiful. I know some folk love the sun but, Doh! Some idiots are leaving their doggies locked in their cars without opening any windows. Dogs are angels here on earth. Treat them nicely.
THURSDAY: In his own mind, that Aidan Caine chap thin`s he created me. Cheek! He was all over the telly and radio talking about his `little mouse`. Hmmm, beware The Mouse That Roared!
SATURDAY: Wow! Saw a Swallowtail Butterfly. She was beautiful and was looking for a partner. Shame Cilla`s not on the box with her dating show...
SUNDAY: Played a game with Shrew. We were rolling stones down the hill. Reminded me of my mate the Rocker, Ronnie.Boy, if anyone could surprise me with their care-free Rock n Roll lifestyle, Ronnie Would.
MONDAY:Stayed up late to watch the Butterflies and Moths in the garden. They have lot`s of enemies. Bit like Mr Brown at Number 10 really.
Week 40
MONDAY: Got a lift down the local shops to discover the Post Office is closing down! It won`t affect me much coz, I`m only a mouse. But, Pleaseee! Don`t these people think? Most of the folk round here are in the twilight years of their lives. How are the old and disabled gonna get all the way down town to get their pensions `n stuff? Doh! In a stinker of a mood. Stuck pins in my Postman Pat doll and if I see his `Little Black Cat`, it`ll need more than 9 lives when I`m done.
TUESDAY: Relaxed all day to boost my Karma.
WEDNESDAY: Had a nice long chat with Helena Hedgehog. She`s soooh old and soooh much fun. Wish the other `ordinary` mice realised we should treasure our elders for their wisdom alone.
THURSDAY: Uggh! Those damn `boy-racer`s`. Won`t ever be able to chat with Mrs Hedgehog again. Still, heard she was smiling till the end.
FRIDAY: What fun. Walking in the park is like attempting an obstacle course. If I tread in dog-pooh one more time, I`ll scream!
SATURDAY: Won millions on the Lotto and heard that David Cameroon might be our next Prime Minister. `Aint drea`s grand!
SUNDAY: A day of rest so I rested it.
MONDAY: Appeared on `Celebrity-Stash In The Attic.
Week 39
MONDAY: Is there anybody out there? Outer Space I mean. Surely we can`t be the only Life in the Solar System. Is this all there is? Huh. What a Rat-Trap. And that`s coming from a mouse.
TUESDAY: Yippee!!! Spotted an Unidentified Object down town. I was so excited. A crowd gathered to welcome the `visitor`. Pooh! Twas a rare sight indeed but it wasn`t ET. It was PC. Police Constable Plod to be precise. Ah well. I`ll keep `em peeled and keep looking.
WEDNESDAY: Watched a recording of that new game show on telly. `Who Dare`s Sings`. Who dares? I`ve always thought my mate Cilla was very brave to sing with a voice like hers.
THURSDAY: "No, No, No!" I yelled at the mass of reporters outside my dressing room at TV Centre. "I am NOT the next Doctor Who". Seems there is talk of the TV Doc regenerating yet again. Sorry, I`m far too busy to become a fictional character.
FRIDAY: Just can`t get her out of my head. Went to The Palace with little Kylie to pick up her gong. Cor, she`s hot. I should be so lucky!
SATURDAY: Went to the premier of the new movie `Mousy Mia`. Great fun. Could have been in it but far too busy.
SUNDAY: No really, I did see something strange today. Ok, Not an alien but twice as rare. The telly news had a `good -news` story on it. Rare indeed.
MONDAY: Caught Mr Brown from number 10 smiling. Oooh er! Perhaps the alien`s are here already!
Week 38
MONDAY: The sun made an appearance all of sudden and so hitched a lift to good ole` Chavenage. Funny,when the sun is out almost everyone is attractive. Well, almost.
TUESDAY: Took a stroll round these streets of old. Saw where I played when I was a lickle mouse. That was a long time ago and change is a certainty. How I remember those long summer walks amongst the corn ricks. How different it seems now with building sites everywhere. Still, I`m sure England will look nice when it`s finished.
WEDNESDAY: My agent phoned asking if I would be interested in being a `surprise` mousemate on Channel 4`s `Big Bother`. No way!
THURSDAY: Was invited round to tea by the Governor of The Bank of England. Brought a few quid with me in case he tapped me for a loan. Turned out he wanted my creative input for a letter he intended for the Chancellor. I was keen to help but declined when he began writing `My Dear Darling`...Hmmm, methink`s there`s something going on there.
FRIDAY: Oi ! Careful ! Was a time when cyclists stuck to the roads. Now they`re on the pavement too. Watch out for us littl`uns.
SATURDAY: They`re cutting the grass everywhere and I nearly lost my tail...again! I was angry but I learnt a long time back that it`s better to turn enemies into friends by doing something nice for them. Heard one young Grass-Cutter telling his mate he was saving for one of those popular computer game consoles. So, when he wasn`t looking I left one by his sandwiches. I hope that`s the `Wee` he was after.
SUNDAY: Wrote another book. Well, nowt on telly.
MONDAY: Being the creative mouse I am, I`m always striving to better myself. To love not who I am but what I am yet to be.
Week 37
MONDAY: Watched the footie on the telly. Great fun but such a shame we`re not there. Goldenballs phoned while Posh went shopping for a handbag. As we reminisced about the Glory Day`s when men were men and we WERE champions, Goldenballs was having his finger nails painted and polished.
TUESDAY: Being the celeb I am I`m often asked to endorse a project or two. I`ve finally succumbed and my new perfume is soon to be launched.`CHEESED OFF` is aimed at the more moody mouse.
WEDNESDAY: Thought I`d spend the day living as the ordinary folks do. Gave my driver the day off and took the train. Whoops! I left a highly confidential document on the train. Think the train`s cleaner picked it up as it was marked `VIM`. VERY IMPORTANT MOUSE.
THURSDAY: Watched a gastropod climb to the very top of a Red Hot Poker. Not to worry, that`s the name of a plant. It was so interesting to watch Mr Snail on his journey. Almost as interesting as watching paint dry which was all there was on telly at the time.
FRIDAY: Busy, busy, busy heading audition`s for my new series `The Pest Factor`.
SATURDAY: Interesting. Many invertebrates match the colour or shape of their surroundings. They are camouflaged. It is only when a politician resigns does he become visible.
SUNDAY: Painted my portrait all by myself. Decided to call it `Self Portrait`.
MONDAY: Raining again.
Week 36
MONDAY: Busy, Busy, Busy. My dear friends The Ozmond Family flew over to do a few gigs. Despite their hectic schedule, Dimple Donny had time to meet and greet my manager (he thinks!) Mr Aidan Caine.I popped over to their after-show party and found a rather good piece of Americee cheese to nibble on.
TUESDAY: Doh! Can`t some folk read?! In the park, young Hoodies are fishing in the Wild-Life lake DESPITE sign`s telling them not to! Saw Swan caught up in some old fishing line and managed to set her free.Boy am I angry! LEARN TO READ! SOS. Save our Swans!
WEDNESDAY: Being the superstar I am, I have many very, very famous friends. Being gentle, patient and loving, I have to listen to them when they`re a bit down as well as when they are flying high. Hillary phoned from Americee. Seems she`s not going to be President after all. Shame. Hubby Bill even splashed out on a new dress.
THURSDAY: The Sun Has Got His Hat On! Don`t know what it means but boy, is it nice or what?!
FRIDAY: Read a nice little story to send the baby mice here asleep. Didn`t work.They eat so much junk food and E Number`s. Think I`ll give my mate The Naked Chef a bell. Pukka!
SATURDAY: Had a spare minute so gave the place a `make-over`. Behind the skirting board has never looked so cool! Filmed it all and sold my idea to TV Centre.
SUNDAY: Went for a stroll with Mole. Hey, that rhymes and I didn`t even try!
MONDAY: Popped into town and sneaked into the big bookshop WaterMoles. Hey, they`ve got my latest book everywhere! A`int I The Big Cheese!
Week 35
MONDAY: Took a stroll in the park and met a duckling feeling sorry for herself. Apparently all the other ducks laugh at her and call her names. "Ugly Ducking. That`s me" she sighed. Seeing she was so unhappy, I comforted her and told her that one day she might be a beautiful swan. "Do you really think so"? "Nope. Deal with it" said I.
TUESDAY: Duckling was a little chirpier today. Two posh birds, Trinnie and Susanah, gave her a `make-over`.
WEDNESDAY: Saw Hedgey Hedgehog today. He wasn`t looking his best. For some strange reason he was lying in the road all day with an inane grin on his face. Busy road that. Remember trying to cross it one day when Chicken said "I shouldn`t bother mate”. They`ll be talking about it for ages".
THURSDAY: The family took some junk to the dump so, I popped along too. I heard a familiar voice chirping away. It was Acheta domesticus or the `House Cricket` to some. It was my mate Buddy. Turns out he`s forming a `Pop` group with his cricket chums. Buddy and his crickets reckon they`ll be pretty big. That`ll be the day!
FRIDAY: Dimple Donny Ozmond phoned. He said he was over here doing a few gigs with his siblings. He sent me some tickets and I sent his sister some Paper Roses.
SATURDAY: Tired. Rested most of the day. Been soooh busy answering my fan- mail. A sweet girl in Harrogate wrote asking me a few questions re my writing.
SUNDAY: Wrote another book. Nothing on the telly.
MONDAY: Cilla Squirrel nearly gave me a heart attack. She jumped out of a tree shouting "Surprise, Surprise"! I was surprised. All down one leg.
Week 34
MONDAY: Went to Buckingham Palace to receive another gong. Ding dong! An old pal of mine was there collecting an honour. HM Queenie was pleased to see him too. "Oh helloooh"! She said when greeting the old cad.
TUESDAY: Lickle Louis Hamiltonne popped over and we went for a spin in his motor. Boy! He`s a fast one!
WEDNESDAY: Looked up at the sky and drew an imaginary line to link up the stars in `dot to dot` fashion. It spelt out the word `Hope` and so I blew it a kiss and wished `Hope` a safe journey around the earth.
THURSDAY: Olivia had a cold and was sneezing like crazy. I said "Bless You" of course. Full of empathy me.
FRIDAY: Just watching the wheels go round and round.
SATURDAY: Devised a gritty telly show where a wife moves in with a stranger’s husband and vice versa. The bugs behind the shed were the contestants. Called the show `Lice Swap`.
SUNDAY: Walked a good few miles and viewed the beauty Mother Nature has kindly given to us all.
MONDAY: Here comes the sun. It`s ALRIGHT!!!!
Week 33
MONDAY: Staged a variety show here in the kitchen as there wasn`t enough space behind the skirting board with so many contestants. Called the show `Kitchen`s Got Talent` inspired by that one on the telly with Simon Fowl. I didn`t put anyone through to the `next` round, there wasn`t a `next` round anyway. They were all a bit tearful especially Dormouse. Sent him home with a flea in his ear. No change there then.
TUESDAY: Amanda Hold`em phoned asking me for Show-Bizz advice. Pretty lady but Wild At Heart.
WEDNESDAY: Went to the races. Great fun but a tad slow for me. The crowd were very enthusiastic and White Rabbit got in a fluster and said he was late for a very important date while checking his watch all the while. Love going to the races up the park but those snails are so very slow!
THURSDAY: Had a game of cards with Cyril Squirrel and Hedgey Hedgehog. Nothing too competitive. Just whiled away an hour or two.
FRIDAY: Saw Edward Fox in the woods. He had just enjoyed a picnic. Think I saw a hare in his mouth.
SATURDAY: Popped round to No 10 to cheer up Mr Brown. He was a bit down because his election the night before wasn`t what he`d hoped for. Told him not to worry and see his G.P.
SUNDAY: Played `I Spy` with Mole. I won. Again.
MONDAY: My personal trainer came round and put me through my paces. Keep strong and beautiful if you want to be loved!
Week 32
MONDAY: Heard David telling a mate about a comment his teacher made about his homework. His sister Olivia really did it for him but when his teacher recognised Olivia`s handwriting, David replied "it`s coz I used her pen"!
TUESDAY: "April showers!" No, not the weather, Olivia`s shock discovery about a "smelly friend".
WEDNESDAY: St George`s Day. Flew the flag despite being Irish meself. Remember when I caught sight of George trying to take that huge monster up on the heath. Hampstead, England. Rule Britannia!
THURSDAY: Children everywhere. Teachers on Strike. David and Olivia think it`s Xmas!
FRIDAY: Creative. Painted a masterpiece.
SATURDAY: Wrote to Mr Brown offering my support. It won`t fit him of course.
SUNDAY: Wrote a musical set in a U.S high school. `CHEESE is The Word!`
MONDAY: Mouse - Sitting all day.
Week 31
MONDAY: Life gets so hectic in this modern age. Even for a little handsome mouse like me. Was a time when you actually talked to folk face to face but now, it`s virtual this and virtual that. Gonna have some virtual cheese and go to bed.
TUESDAY: Bush called from Americee. Gee, I hope he doesn`t make a fool of himself during The Pope`s visit. Last time, he greeted John Paul at the airport but couldn`t find George and Ringo anywhere.
WEDNESDAY: Played Hide and Seek with Mole. He`s very good. Couldn`t find him.
THURSDAY: Had a relaxing day hosting The Paul O` Gravy Show. Paul phoned asking me to cover for him as he had a cold.
FRIDAY: Men cut the grass in the park. WOO! That was a close one. Nearly lost my tail..again.
SATURDAY: Gathered the `ordinary mice` around and told a few Fairy Tales much to their delight. They`re so young and innocent, they believe anything. They liked the one about Mr Cameroon becoming Prime Minister.
SUNDAY: Polished my teeth for some new publicity pics.
MONDAY: Watched a few of my movies on HD TV. God I look good.
Week 30
MONDAY: Very tired. My lickle feet are sore. Ran through London carrying The Olympic Torch. Doh! Never been so pestered by people. Smoker`s. Huh! Not one of them said "can I have a light please". Oh no, they just charged into me and wrestled me for the flame. Not going through that again. Next time, they can ask someone else. That Olympic Torch is too hot to handle.
TUESDAY: While in London I visited HM Queenie. Said she was cutting back on the cost of her Wedding Anniversaries. Brought round some Turkey Twizzler`s and some pop. Anything to help.
WEDNESDAY: Went for a walk in the park with Dick Van Duck. He`s such fun.
THURSDAY: I watched some telly show called `Britain`s Got Talent`. Huh. If this show`s anything to go by- it hasn`t.
FRIDAY: Me and the other mice played a game of `Cowboy`s and Indian`s in the park. Naturally, I was victorious. They all called me a hero. Don`t know why, but the attention was welcome. I`m not a hero. I`m just a mouse.
SATURDAY: Wrote a play or three. Lord Lord Webbore will probably put music to them and make himself a bob or two.
SUNDAY: Being famous stinks sometimes. Took part in the London Marathon and while running, some folk recognised me and mistook the lovely ice - cream cornet I was carrying as that bloomin` Olympic Torch. What a mess. Ice - cream everywhere and oh, the crushed nuts.
MONDAY: And I think to myself. What a wonderful world.
Week 29
MONDAY: Mr Brown came to town. Took a stroll in the park and there he was, me old mate Gordy. We greeted each other warmly but being famous, our meeting was broadcast on the telly news. Still, if it gives him some exposure I don`t mind.
TUESDAY: Ooh er. The folk next door returned from their hol`s without their luggage and blame that new terminal thingy. It happened to me at John Lennon Airport in Liverpool once. I lost everything. Imagine. Everything! Imagine no possessions. It`s easy if you fly.
WEDNESDAY: Had a game of footie in the park with my mate Ronaldo. He`s pretty good.
THURSDAY: Home alone. Mouse-sitting all day.
FRIDAY: Airports! My show-bizz chum Naomi lost her luggage and her temper too. Not exactly Model behaviour.
SATURDAY: Mary had a little lamb. I wasn`t hungry so had a salad.
SUNDAY: Hey diddle, diddle, The cat and the fiddle, The cow jumped over the moon; The little dog laughed so they gave him an ASBO.
MONDAY: Off to London to see The Queen
Week 28
MONDAY: Tis St Patrick`s Day and meself and a few of the lads had a wee party behind the skirting board. `Twas a gas and I did a jig. Jerry O`Mouse got a little home-sick for the `Ole Country` but, at least his sick was a vivid green.
TUESDAY: Money can`t buy you love and me old mucker, Scouse Mouse, seems a lot happier now his Mouse-Wife has gone. She`s leaving home. Bye, bye, bye, bye.
WEDNESDAY: Dusting my many awards, I noticed one is missing. Bet it`s that former butler of mine again.
THURSDAY: Anti Social Behaviour Orders. That`s what`s needed to control the young feral mice around here. The School`s Minister had the idea before me so, credit where credit is due. It`s his idea. Not mine. It`s all Ball`s.
FRIDAY: Inspired by my celeb pal John Barrowmouse, a few of us staged a show in the garden. We performed songs from `Oliver`. The way some of the boy mice behaved, methink`s one or two are graduates of `Nancy School`.
SATURDAY: Flew to Americee to guest on the David Lettermouse show.
SUNDAY: Caught the Easter Bunny leaving surprises all over the garden. Stepped in one. Not funny.
MONDAY: The family decided to visit a traffic-jam to celebrate the Bank Holiday.
Week 27
MONDAY: Wow, it`s so windy! My cousin who lives in a windmill in Old Amsterdam, phoned to say if it wasn`t for his heavy clogs, he would have taken flight!
TUESDAY: Watched Dad who lives here, grease down his few strands of hair in the hope that his `comb-over` hair style wouldn`t flap around in the strong winds. Didn`t work of course but he thought he looked good.
WEDNESDAY: I am an animal. I hate it when people don`t treat us right. Was upset that the Chancellor carried his Budgie around in an old red leather case. Oh Darling - behave!
THURSDAY: Heard the family discussing if Mr Darling`s Budgie was a good or bad one. Well, it must have been naughty to be treated that way. There`s a beautiful new baby duckling in the park. Anastasia is her name and methinks it`s a joy how in this old crusty world, a new addition makes us all go gooey and soft.
FRIDAY: HM The Queen and I opened the new terminal at Heathrow. Boring but such engagement`s give us the chance to meet the ordinary folk.
SATURDAY: Went out on the town with a few celeb friends. Nice but tiring.
SUNDAY: Ran round the park 24 times for Sport`s Relief. Not as fit as I once was but still very charismatic and hot.
MONDAY: Meetings with Hollywood`s elite. They said I had great presence. Bit disappointed. Thought that meant they were going to give me some FAB prezzies.
Week 26
MONDAY: Picking up litter in the park that some folk chuck here and there. Got quite into it in the end and even formed a team of Litter- Pickers. Hare was helpful but kept getting in my way. Eventually told him to stand very still. I can`t stand a Hare out of place.
TUESDAY: My former butler has been caught telling porkies. He he, he. That`ll teach him. He aint no big cheese! Rock? Teas - Maid more like.
WEDNESDAY: Lots of pretty flowers everywhere now that Spring has sprung. Snow in some places though. Guess Kate Mouse must have been outta town ‘cause her nose was covered in white powder or something. Guess she was playing in the snow.
THURSDAY: Being incredibly famous, I am often asked to write my memoirs. But, I shan`t. To know me is to love me and if you don`t know me - tough!
FRIDAY: Got a wee bit upset. Heard the family talking about "scrapping the mouse". Doh! Turned out they meant the Computer Mouse thingy which has been playing up. Not me. I`m a good mouse. Honest, I am.
SATURDAY: Came up with a great idea for a TV show that would cater to everyone`s taste. The show would feature someone digging a pond, cooking a meal, painting a ceiling all at the SAME time AND, all on ice!
SUNDAY: Watched the Antique show on the telly. Apparently, to tell the age of something you check for a mark on its bottom and check to see if it has its original legs. Much as I`d love to know my mate Cliff`s real age and how he still looks so good, I`m pleased he`s on an early Summer Holiday.
MONDAY: Made a scale model of The House`s of Parliament out of all the junk mail delivered here.
Week 25
MONDAY: David and Olivia are back at school. Cool. I can peek around their rooms without being seen. Spent longer than I intended in David`s room as I trod on some gum on his desk and spent forever trying to get my tiny feet free. As interested as I am in this world, I was keen to see the giant poster I had heard David talking about in his room. Doh! Geography lessons have changed since my day! I was expecting a huge map or something. Jordon never looked like that in any of my books!
TUESDAY: Watched an old movie on DVDD. They don`t make `em like that any more. Mickey, my Americanee cousin was in it. Good but strange. A mouse whose dog stands on two feet and wears a hat. Goofy or what?!
WEDNESDAY: Mrs Squirrel has had some babies and she`s very busy looking after them. Sat watching them in the garden. How they run here and there. Nothing on the telly but Americanee Cop shows so chilled out in the garden most of the day. Doh! Embarrassing or what? Over heard Dad and `Oh Mum` having a tender moment. He was asking her if the earth moved for her last night. Turned out he was on about the Earthquake.
THURSDAY: Can`t find Adrian anywhere. He`s a mole and he lives in a hole. Worried he might have been hurt during the quake. Concerned.
FRIDAY: Got a lovely postcard from my friend Prince Hal. Nobody is supposed to know where he is so, I have to keep it confidential. Let’s just say he`s serving his Queen and country. Serving his Gran and country to be precise.
SATURDAY: Helped Olivia make her mum a Mother`s Day card. Of course, she didn`t see me there but I did sprinkle a little glitter here and there. Mr Show-Bizz, me.
SUNDAY: When `Oh Mum` was making the family their dinner, I did a bit of light dusting as a treat. Ow! Those light bulbs don`t half get hot. Leave dusting them till they`re turned off next time. Dad bought her a beautiful new chip fryer as a Mother`s Day prezzie. She must have been so touched as she couldn`t bring herself to look at or talk to him all day.
MONDAY: Filmed The Weakest Wink with Anne Robinstone. I won of course. Mole is safe and well. He hid himself away for a few days when he heard Olivia talk of having a mole removed.
Week 24
MONDAY: Spring has sprung! Went to the park with stoat and met Victoria Wood- Mouse. She`s very funny and took a shine to me. "Get your stoat, you`ve pulled!" said she.
TUESDAY: Feeling very creative lately. Did some huge paintings to entertain the other mice and animals nearby. When I paint I sing a bit and make lots of strange noises a bit like that Rolf chap on the telly. Everyone appreciates my work though Shrew is hard work. I often ask "Can Shrew see what it is yet?"
WEDNESDAY: Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider, who sat down beside her, so she whacked it with her spoon. Charming!
THURSDAY: Being famous is hard work. I draw. I write. I paint. I act. Thank goodness my looks take care of themselves! Still cute even after all these years.
FRIDAY: Ophiothrix fragilis- a starfish-like marine creature better known as Brittle-star. Beautiful but fragile, I gave a Brittle-star or `Brit` to my mate Scouse Mouse as an `outstanding achievement` award. Did the trick. Suddenly, all his troubles seemed so far away.
SATURDAY: When no one’s around I manage to have a go on the computer. I`ve got my own Mousespace page now. Oooh! I`m soooh famous!
SUNDAY: Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town, Upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown. Sometimes it`s up and sometimes it`s down. The police will get him eventually.
MONDAY: Ding, dong, bell, Pussy`s in the well; Who put her in? I did. Noisy blinkin` cat
Week 23
MONDAY: Once a wise mouse told me to take the time to smell the roses. Didn`t know what he was squeaking of at the time. I do now. This is a beautiful world. A gift. We all have the potential to be happy and my word, once we take the time to stop and ponder at the wonders of this world, it is then and only then we become `alive`. Yep, that was a nice walk in the park!
TUESDAY: Telly Centre phoned and asked me to take part in their dancing show. I can hoof a bit but, on ice?! Frightened by the potential hazards, I say `No` to being on `Dancing On Mice`.
WEDNESDAY: Worried about Scouse Mouse so took him for a walk in the park. We drew some wild flowers but, he wasn`t to keen on the Heather. Still, he had fun with a few insect friends of mine. Especially Beetle Ringo.
THURSDAY: Played out in the fields with my friends the Ladybirds. There`s a lot of `em about here in Hertfordshire. Had a nice `high-brow` chat with one. Ladybird Johnson.
FRIDAY: Half-term for the little folk this week and the playgrounds are being well used. Wonder which child will become President? Which a great actor? Which an inspiration to millions of others? One will. The one who believes and dares to believe. The others? They never stop to smell the roses.
SATURDAY: Sneaked into a Jumble Sale with David and Olivia. One Old Dear spotted me on a table and offered to buy me for 10p. Ten pence?! No way. I legged it outa there. A wise mouse once told me `know your own worth`. Priceless-methinks.
SUNDAY: Bright and Shiny. Not just the weather-me too. Wrote a novel.
MONDAY: Guested on the Alan Titch-Mouse show. Great fun. Like Paul O`Gravy but without the laughs.
Week 22
MONDAY: Looking Up. Apparently a satellite is due to fall from the heavens above. A great big lump, absolutely useless and in everyone`s way. Huh. If it falls in Chavenage, it`ll blend in nicely.
TUESDAY: Education, education, education. Now you can get an `A` Level working in a burger bar. "Well done! A pass. Do you want fries with that"!
WEDNESDAY: Jobs for the boys. Seems those folk at Westiminster ain`t all bad. Yes, they except huge donations but, they find well paid job`s for their families too. It`s nice to be important but it`s important to be mice!
THURSDAY: Dashed over to Americee to cheer my mate Britney up. What a girl. What a talent. She need`s a mouse around the house.
FRIDAY: David and Olivia who live here have started part-time work. Eee, when I were a lad it were down t`pit and up t`chimney before a hair appeared on yer chin.
SATURDAY: Lazy day. Stayed on my mouse-mat all day and pictured how much money I was making while breathing in and breathing out.
SUNDAY: Watched a spider attempt to spin a web and climb the wall but, it just couldn`t do it. Reminded me of my old friend Rabbit Burns who said "If at first you don`t succeed, give up. Maybe that`s your style".
MONDAY: Watched a movie starring Tom Swanks. Huh. It was called `Philadelphia` but wasn`t about cheese at all. Pooh
Week 21
MONDAY: Busy filming my latest movie as Secret Agent James Bont- agent `0, 0, ..Oh`. The press are everywhere. They all want an interview with me but, I am very busy. So as to remain shaken but NOT stirred, I ask my co-star, Dame Judi, to meet with them all. Once again she is playing my boss - `Em`. Well, it gives her something to do.
TUESDAY: Kate Mouse phoned. She`s well and very strong willed. She HATES people who take drugs or Custom Men as she calls them.
WEDNESDAY: Visited my mate Amy Wine-Mouse. What a great singer she is. She`s temporarily moved address. She`s in Rehab Road or something.
THURSDAY: Popped over to Westminster. As Leader Of The Mouse, advised Hayne to resign. He did, but claimed not to have the taxi-fare home. Thought about giving him a donation but, thought better of it.
FRIDAY: `Fame` is so fragile and so fleeting. In Americee paying tribute to a friend and one-time `Co-Star`. We filmed Broke-Mouse Mountain together but alas, he is now gone.
SATURDAY: Went for a walk in the park. Dick Van Duck was there. We had a brief dance and said our `goodbyes`.
SUNDAY: Superstar`s don`t get a day off. Back on set at Pinewood being `0,0,0h...so smooth`.
MONDAY: Popped round to see Mr Brown at No: 10. He wasn`t in. Don`t blame him
Week 20
MONDAY: Santa Claus may be at home now resting his tootsies but boy oh boy, some other kind hearted soul has been doing the rounds spreading goodwill and giving the most fantastic gifts. Strange though, you have to be a Member of Parliament to receive these super gifts or `donations` as they call them.
TUESDAY: Of course I`ve employed a butler now and then. One does when One is a member of the elite. Watched a TV report about the late, lamented Princess. `Rock`? I feel `Sod` would be a more suitable earthy word to describe the butler in that story.
WEDNESDAY: Popped over to see my mate Sir Trebor Macdermott. He looks well but he told me his "bongs" are back. Sounds nasty.
THURSDAY: My mate Beetle Ringo was on the blower. We had a gig last week in his home city of Liddypool. Love Ringo. Who doesn`t?
FRIDAY: Went for a walk and met Robbie. Seemed a bit down. His former band Break That are doing well but Robbie`s hardly visible. He`s got show-biz in his blood though. I walked away with him shouting "Let me entertain you"!
FRIDAY: On Jonathan Woss`s show. Cool.
SATURDAY: Made a model of The Houses of Parliament out of toe-nail clippings I found around the house. Told the other mice I was an M.P. Pooh! Didn`t get a single donation.
SUNDAY: Read all day. Those pizza adverts shoved through the letter-box are so interesting.
MONDAY: As the most respected of all the mice here, a bit cheesed off not receiving my huge donation yet. I am Leader Of The Mouse!
Week 19
MONDAY: Went for a drive with my mate Becks. He`s almost as good a footballer as I am. He is a bit lonely because his wife Victoria is away touring. She told him she was singing but, boy oh boy, she`s DEFINITELY not `singing`. Don`t know how to break it to the boy. I`ve heard more tuneful car crashes.
TUESDAY: Flew to Americee to help my mate Hilary in her campaign to be president. She`s finding it tough going and I advised Bill to treat her to a gift or two. Hope he doesn`t splash out on another dress.
WEDNESDAY: In Americee. Went to a theme park. Met a giant mouse dressed in a dinner jacket greeting all the children. Whatever next?
THURSDAY: When Americee politicians want people to vote for them, they always seem to find some distant Irish relative way back in their `family tree`. Maybe I should run for President. I`m Irish through and through.
FRIDAY: Flew back home. Slept all the way. They were showing the `best` speeches of David Cameroon. Yawn!
SATURDAY: Watched Graham Naughty on the telly. The show was called `Who Do You Think You Are`. Ugggh!
SUNDAY: A bit tired. Wrote a very, very long book that will no doubt be a classic in years ahead. Called it `War and Cheese`.
MONDAY: Filmed a bit for TV show `The Bill` in Wimbledon. Went up to Wombledon Common hoping to see the Wimbles but no luck.
Week 18
MONDAY: Think I`m turning into Scrooge-Mouse. Ding dong merrily my foot! Glad it`s quietening down a bit now. It`s lovely for the little ones and no, I don`t mean me. Christmas is for children. Period. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
TUESDAY: Who ate all the pies? I did. Yum Yum!
WEDNESDAY: On the phone to HRH Queenie. Suggested a few more laughs in her speech next year. Bless her. She WAS amused.
THURSDAY: Huh, I thought soap was supposed to make you feel fresh and clean. Over Christmas, the `soaps’ on the telly were full of dirt, drama and people shouting all over the place. The telly folk should film Christmas here in Chavenage next year. They`d save a packet on actors and get all the festive grit they desire!
FRIDAY: Made a trip into town with the family to the frozen-food store MiceLand. Met John and Mary, the lovely Welsh couple who brought more festive cheer in our brief conversation than the whole of Chavenage Town Centre provided over the holiday.
SATURDAY: My mate Scouse Mouse has had a bit of trouble with his `ticker`. Sent him a few prezzies to cheer him up. Strange. Scouse Mouse returned the heather I posted. Britney phoned from Americee. Poor thing, she`s in a mess. Show-bizz t`aint as easy as it looks sometimes.
SUNDAY: Wrote a few novels, one opera, a stage play and painted one or two masterpieces. A quiet day really.
MONDAY: The telly folk want me to take over from Parky but I am far to busy so had to let them down nicely. Shame.
HAPPY ‘08 from the great...Me ! xxx Famouse
Week 17
MONDAY: Overheard David and Olivia chatting about what they hope to find under the Christmas Tree this year. I`ll leave it to Santa this time. Last year I left a present under the tree that caused a right stink. How was I to know that a `Wee` was a Video Game Console?
TUESDAY: On the Paul O`Gravy show with Sir Roger More-Or-Less. I remember him as James Bont the Secret Agent. A great guy and great fun.
WEDNESDAY: Freezing this morning. Me and a couple of the `ordinary` mice took a nap above the oven`s warm grill. We rested a bit too long and nearly became `Mice Crispies`!
THURSDAY: Cor! The Mice Girls are back. I fancy the Posh one.
FRIDAY: Walked in the park with Sally Field-Mouse. She slipped on some ice and I had to perform Mouse to Mouse resuscitation. A mouse`s got to do what a mouse`s gotta do. She`s fine.
SATURDAY: Tears and laughter. I was a guest on the very last Parky show. What a guy. What a show.
SUNDAY: Watched `Bless This Mouse` on the telly with the `family`. Beautiful hymns. Very festive. Very moving. It touched Our Hearts. Our Minds. Our Souls.
MONDAY: Christmas is getting nearer. Wrapped my presents and roasted my nuts. That gas fire in the living room is Soooh hot!
MERRY CHRISTMOUSE TO ONE AND ALL !
Week 16
MONDAY: Out of the jungle. Let Biggles win and quickly flew home to England. The press are keen to talk of the `friendship` Biggles and I developed in camp. As usual they`ve overblown everything thanks to the editing on the show. To put the record straight, that wasn`t me in his hammock. It was a dirty Rat.
TUESDAY: Entertained The Queen at The Royal Variety Show. She`s lovely and asked for my autograph for her fit grandaughter Zarah. I signed a glossy photo and placed it in an envelope for her. How embarrassing! I`m so used to putting a stamp on my letters and with Queenie stood before me, I inadvertently licked her face. Doh!
WEDNESDAY: Sneaked a lift in the family`s car as they went to the local Christmas Fare. Had a great time and bought a glossy magazine about a mouse called Minnie. Had to hide it from the other `ordinary` mice back home. Was going to enter the `Guess The Name Of The Teddy` competition but I thought better of it.
THURSDAY: I`ve been a very good mouse and written a letter to Santa in the hope he`ll bring me an extra special `something` this Christmas.
FRIDAY: Surprise,surprise. I won the ` Short Sport`s Personality Of The Year` award. Again!
SATURDAY: Had a lovely call from The Football Association asking me to be the England manager. I declined which wasn`t easy as they were so amicable. Ah, sweet F.A.
SUNDAY: Someone called offering to install double glazing. They didn`t stop long once `Dad` taunted them with their TV catchphrase "Buy One And Get One Free". Well, at least I think that`s what he meant when he told the man to "Bog-Off"!
MONDAY: Paul O`Gravy invited me on his show. Fab!
Week 15
MONDAY: Dropped into the jungle to greet my fellow `celebrities`. Biggles was pleased to see me and as usual he was in Panto mode. "Fifty miles from London and still no sign of Dick" he roared as he slapped his thigh.
TUESDAY: It was great to catch up with Ant and Dec again as it`s nice to hang out with folk my size.
WEDNESDAY: Expected some post but nothing came. Every one here in the jungle gets a letter delivered every now and then and me being me, I am expected something from Mr Brown at number 10 but nothing yet.
WEDNESDAY: Found out that the letter Mr Brown had sent me was lost in the post. Doh! He should have sent it recorded delivery or something but no, he left it to his Chancellor to post and it`s definitely lost. Poor Mr Brown. It seem`s a lot of his mail has gone astray thanks to the Chancellor not using the correct method of postage but nothing, absolutely nothing seems to make Mr Brown angry. Even after the Chancellor`s mishap, he still refers to him as Darling. Very sweet.
THURSDAY: Had a `Jungle Trial` to undertake. Ugh it was horrible! I had to sit and listen to one of my fellow `celebrities` prattle on and on for three whole minutes to win the much sort after `Lucky Stars`. Who is she? An American Supermodel apparently. Never heard of her. Ugh! Ghastly! I won food for the camp but oh no, she wouldn`t eat the sausages provided. Biggles on the other hand, loves a sausage so he was content.
FRIDAY: News arrived from England that my mate Amy Whine-Mouse was out on the town with Kate Mouse. Good.
SATURDAY: Queenie and Phil rang to thank me for congratulating them on their sixty years of marriage. Had to cut our conversation short and fled to the `dunnie` as I needed a Royal Wee!
SUNDAY: Watched that antique show on the telly. That Tim Wannaclot is a lively fellow.
MONDAY: Poor Mr Brown. Things aren`t going well at Number 10. Some of his team accepted prezzies without knowing who they were really from. Shame. It`s always nice to say `thank you` for gifts received. My mother taught me that.
Week 14
MONDAY: Doh! The things I do to help out my show-bizz pals. Spoke to Ant and Dec on the phone. Fortunately, they rang me otherwise my phone bill would be sky-high. They want me to make an appearance on their `jungle` show `I Am Famous So Get Me Out Of Here`.
TUESDAY: Flew out to Oz. Took my laptop with me and wrote a few novels on the plane. Arrived safely. Very hot.
WEDNESDAY: Was a time being famous meant something. I don`t know half of the `celebrities` out here.
THURSDAY: Missing England loads. The hotel is very nice but home is where the heart is.
FRIDAY: Turns out Ant and Dec want me to be a surprise for the other `celebrities` and I`m gonna drop in on them soon. Watching the jungle adventure develop on my hotel plasma HD TV. Who are they?!
SATURDAY: Haven’t gone in the jungle yet so having to put up with the five star hotel for now. The manager is a bit frantic and seems familiar. He`s called Basil and he`s got a silly walk.
SUNDAY: Sent HRHs Queenie and Phil a message to congratulate them on their sixty years of marriage. Would love to be there at Buck House but being paid a fortune here in Oz.
MONDAY: When oh when am I going in the jungle?! One of the `celebrities` is a model apparently. Well I`ve never heard of her and boy oh boy is she nasty! If I don`t go in, my money’s on show-bizz pal Christopher Biggles to win. I`m behind Biggles anyhow. In the nicest possible way of course
Week 13
MONDAY: The other `ordinary` mice annoy me so much. Doh! Just wish they`d squeak when they are spoken to. Very scary outside. Some folk are letting off fireworks. Whoever it is can`t like animals as it`s really, really scary for us.
TUESDAY: Went to London to see the Queen. It was The Queen`s Speech or something. Lovely lady but could have done with a few laughs here and there. The place was packed and the ladies wore big hats. Quite right. Mouse of Lords or Mouse of Commons, it`s nice to look nice.
WEDNESDAY: Hosted The Paul O`Gravy show as Paulie is resting. Yvette Field-Mouse, and Charlotte Church-Mouse were my guest`s.
THURSDAY: Made an impression on Yvette Field-Mouse. She phoned asking if I would feature on her show `Haunted Mouse`. She reckons I`ll meet a ghost or two. Not bothered. The dead don`t worry me. I`ve been to a few Tory Party Conferences.
FRIDAY: Crept into the living room to watch some telly. `Oh Mum` wasn`t there. She`s on holiday apparently. Heard David moan why there wasn`t any supper. `Dad` told him "Mum`s gone to Iceland".
SATURDAY: Met Scouse Mouse again. He seemed happier despite going through an ugly separation with his Lady. He can work it out. He gets by with a little help from his friends.
SUNDAY: Watched that antique show on the telly where folk bring their prized possessions to be valued. One punter had a rubber mouse called Minnie. Really! The things some folk get up to.
SUNDAY: The eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month. Remember them. X x x
Week 12
MONDAY: Christmas, Christmas everywhere and not a drop of snow! I`m recording my Christmas TV special ` It`s ChristMouse!`. Meanwhile in the nearby town of Chavenage, every one is tucking into to Christmas pies from the many `fast-food` cafes. Early but,there you go.
TUESDAY: My mate Ming was very upset. He stepped down as leader of his party because some people thought he was too old! I`m saying nothing but, while round at Lib-Dem HQ, a car alarm went off in the street outside. Ming, bless him, started hunting for the nearest air-raid shelter!
WEDNESDAY: Met my mate Aidan Caine. He`s real you know. Here`s a pic of us together.
THURSDAY: Quiet night in. Wrote a novel or two.
FRIDAY: That dog a few doors down is getting on my nerves barking all the time. Have you ever known a mouse cause any noise? No. I am as quiet as a mouse always. Just wish that dog was.
SATURDAY: Pooh! We lost the rugby. I couldn`t be there in person as all the security guy`s were guarding the two Prince`s so, with my all important security unguarded, I watched it all on the telly instead.
SUNDAY: My mate Louis took me for a drive in his car. Boy, he is fast! He didn`t win the Grand Prix this time but, we had a lovely day out.
MONDAY: Haven’t heard from my TV chum`s in a while so, was tempted to give Ant and Dec a call. Decided against it in the end. Phoning those two would only make the telephone bill soar!
Week 11
MONDAY: Got my teeth polished cause I`ve loads of `personal appearances` coming up. Found time to write this poem entitled
`Here`.
Photographs, Strangers, with faces known.
Chairs, set at tables. Who sat there?
Mirror`s on walls, what memory have they?
Brick`s and mortar, hollowed shell, someone ought to, but no-one tells.
Forgotten what was hoped be forgot but, aware there are pages torn from a life.
Secrets. What are secret`s that can`t be recalled?
A sound.
A sense.
The smell of it all.
TUESDAY: Went round to No: 10 to have a cup of tea with Mr Brown. He`s had a rough time recently so I cheered him up.
WEDNESDAY: Went for a walk in the park and saw `Scouse Mouse` sat alone on a hill, keeping perfectly still. He thinks nobody listens to him. They can see that he`s just a fool. The Mouse on the Hill. Tried to be kind and offered him some Heather I had just picked but, he told me to "get back to where I belonged". Ooh, moody or what?!
THURSDAY: Nice! Carol Fourdoorvan presented me a lovely award on `The Mice of Britain` show.
FRIDAY: Dimple Donny Ozmond popped round with his new dog. Think it`s `puppy love`.
SATURDAY: `Mouse- Sitting` again. Boring!
SUNDAY: Feeling tired so didn`t do much. Just wrote an opera, made a movie, played rugby and `guested` on `The Pest Factor` on the telly.
MONDAY: Working on a stage production set at Christmas. Got to rehearse my fave tune `Mice Christmas`
Week 10
MONDAY: Very creative if not in the best of moods. Couldn`t do much in and around the house cause, cat`s are visiting. Pooh. When I`m on a `downer`, my poetry gets me through. Wrote this anyhow. Genius is a funny thing. When I`m `down` my poetry has `something extra`...`
The Last Stop`, a poem by Me.
Didn`t buy a ticket. Guess I jumped the train.
Slowly heading somewhere. Won`t be back again.
Bet you, it`ll rain there. Long as I can rest.
Didn`t want to stay here. Hope I passed the test.
Slowly getting weary. Nothing else to do.
Tell me when I get there. I`ll leave the rest to you.
Did I make you laugh once or maybe made you cry?
This train ain`t stoppin, so I`ll wave as I go by.
Seem`s were nearly there now so, thank you for the ride.
Won`t know my way round there but I`ll see the tears I cried.
Bet it`s gonna rain there. On the other side.
TUESDAY: Flew to Americee in my Super-Sonic `Show-Bizz` jet. Strange but, from `up there`, you all look like ants.
WEDNESDAY: Couldn`t sleep so watched Tory Leader David Cameroon on the telly. Did the trick. Best sleep I`ve had in years.
THURSDAY:`National Poetry Day` apparently. Huh, when is `National Mouse Day`? I wonder.
FRIDAY: My mate, ex-President Bill was in town. We went shopping together. He `splashed-out` on a dress again. Gee, Hillary must have no end of dresses now.
SATURDAY: Doh! It’s hard! Being a genius and supremely talented it`s all too easy to stare and laugh at the rather ordinary folk who make up this planet but, oh what the heck...watched `The Jeremy Vile Show` again!
SUNDAY: A day of rest with nothing too `taxing` or exciting. At least, that was what I was taught when I was a `nipper` so, I watched `Last Of The Summer Shine` on the telly.
MONDAY: Worked on my `Hollywood` smile today. Gee, I`m so handsome it `hurts`!
Week 9
MONDAY: Distracted from my song-writing by an item on the news. Something about midgets and their nasty `Blue Tongue`s`. I`m not surprised. Everyone thinks the `little folk` are always delightful but boy, they can curse with the best of them and I`ve even been the subject of their `Blue Tongue`.
TUESDAY: Being the great actor I am, proficient in all types of ‘Theatre’, it is with sadness I note the passing of a fellow `great`, Marceau Mouse. He was a chap of few words, quiet as a mouse but a legend in his own mime.
WEDNESDAY: Had a `phone-in` on my tea-time TV show posing the question "Is it annoying phoning a premium rate telly- telephone line to enter a competition for the chance of winning a cash prize?" No doubt about it. It is. Millions phoned my premium rate telly-telephone line to tell me so. That`s my pension sorted!
THURSDAY: The family who live here went to see Olivia in her school play, `Alice`. Apparently her portrayal of `The Queen of Hearts` was excellent. I knew the real `Queen of Hearts` and she was lovely.
FRIDAY: Helped Olivia with her homework about `The Great Plague`. Those rats are dirty so and so`s if you ask me. Mice are very clean and I am very `Mouse-Proud`.
SATURDAY: `Dad` went out to `Fresco` to buy some cheese after winning a `tenner` on the `Lotto`.
SUNDAY: Watched `Song`s Of Praise` on the telly and yet again, no `Bless This Mouse` to be heard.
MONDAY: An auntie visited and brought her pet cats which inspired this poem: "I wandered lonely as a mouse cause I can`t get in the blinkin` house”.
Week 8
MONDAY: All quiet on the `Pest-ern` Front. Managed to write a novel and a screenplay as the other `ordinary` mice left me alone for an hour or so.
TUESDAY: I`ve got Wednesday on my mind. Couldn`t write my diary last wednesday as one of the `ordinary` mice did something unmentionable on the page. The stinker! He`s still on the `naughty step`. That`ll teach him!
WEDNESDAY: Watched the local news. Chavenage won the `Chavenage In Bloom` award. Blooming `eck!
THURSDAY: The family who live here, went up North to some Seaside resort or t`other. When they fell asleep I went through their bags to see what `goodies` they bought. Found a plastic `Kiss Me Quick` hat that will make a really nice `paddling pool` Didn`t touch the sweets though. I watch the news you know. They can keep their northern rock.
FRIDAY: Getting lots of `funny looks` off the other mice. We all watched `Who Do You Think You Are Then?` on the telly. I was the `subject` and traced my ancestors. Turns out I`m related to John Cheese so I`ve been doing `silly walks` all day.
SATURDAY: Dimple Donny Ozmond called. He wants me to be a `stranger` on his game show. Nothing `strange` about me so, I declined.
SUNDAY: Went for a walk with Sally Field-Mouse. Grand.
MONDAY: Wrote a song which inspired Mole to do the same. Mine went something like. "Our Mouse, in the middle of our street". Mole`s effort was banal. We all know he`s a mole and he lives in a hole. Doh!
Week 7
MONDAY: `Squeal Or No Squeal` was fun. Improvised a game to entertain the other mice. We opened all the boxes we could find in the house. `Dad` had just returned from fishing and Dormouse chose to open his box. He wasn`t happy to find he only `won` `Sick Squid`!
TUESDAY: Olivia who lives here was drooling over some boy off the telly just because he was in Blue or something. Big deal. I met the Blue Boy a while back. We even had our portrait painted.
THURSDAY: Poem: It`s because I`m not one of you that I can see the things you do. War and hatred all over the place. I commiserate the Human Race.
FRIDAY: Whoops, she did it again! Britney was all over the place because of the bad press reviews of her `come-back` gig. Told her not to get too upset and to keep her hair on.
SATURDAY: So tired. Been hanging around with my mate Keef from `The Strolling Moans`. Don`t know where he gets his energy from or, if I should try some.
SUNDAY: Some disturbance out in the garden. The bats were obviously very frightened of something or other. No wonder. Peeped out and saw my Rock star pal Ozzy strolling round the garden. For some reason, bats and Ozzy do not mix.
MONDAY: If the other, rather `ordinary` mice will let me be, I`ll write a book today.
Week 6
MONDAY: Americee is a strange land. I have fond memories of it when my mate Jack was President and I was the White House Mouse but, watching that Jerry Springor on the telly kinda makes me glad of the ocean that divides us. Blur would have greased up and swam it to get a `sign` from the gurning Bush but, Brown stays in town. Good.
TUESDAY: Chatting to my mate Shaz off `The Ex Factor`. The press are so nasty she`s thinking of quitting the show, which will bring in million`s of viewers when they film `Nasty Si’s` sudden decision to bring her back on the show. `Show-Bizz!` I can smell it from here!
WEDNESDAY: Went for a stroll in the park. Mrs Da-Wincey lost her house keys throwing bread to a duck. It was the `Ruddy Duck`. That is what it`s called but boy; did she enjoy shouting that or what?! Helped her get back into her home and I managed to fathom out how to stop the house alarm ringing. Just tapped in a few numbers and hey, bingo! The Da-Wincey code solved!
THURSDAY: Sometimes, there are sounds, voices so beautiful that we can be moved to tears of happiness just to revel in their beauty. Lucianno, a robust Song Bird is no more. The world will never sound the same again.
FRIDAY: Busy training for the Olympics. Saw Tortoise and Hare doing the same. My money’s on Tortoise.
SATURDAY: All alone! The `family` have gone out so I`m looking after the place. `Mouse-Sitting` I suppose!
SUNDAY: Wrote a letter to my cousin Vincent in Holland. A little mouse with clogs on living in a windmill in old Amsterdam.
MONDAY: `Found` some new cheese in the kitchen. The other mice said they would tell unless I `offered` them a piece so improvised a game of `Squeal Or No Squeal`.
Week 5
MONDAY: `Treading the boards` again. Busy rehearsing `Mousebeth`. "Is this Cheddar I see before me? Come let me clutch thee. I have thee not yet see thee still`. Great fun. Although I am a classically trained mouse, I am not above accepting today`s offer to feature in `Cheese-Enders` on the telly. It`ll be handy anyhow. Though it`s set in the `East-End`, it`s filmed in Boringwood here in Hertfordshire.
TUESDAY: Had to pass through Chavenage on my way to film `Cheese-Enders`. Saw a crowd of what loosely could be described as `girls`, all desperate to find `Charlie`. Whoever he is?
WEDNESDAY: My `star` dressing room is not what I`m used to. Very basic. There was a `lap-top` though. Didn`t use it as it was labelled `property of Dirty Den. I don`t do `dirty`. I`m a mouse not a rat.
THURSDAY: Advised my dear friend the `Duchess` to take a few days out of town. She is so gentle and considerate. Felt the media might give her a `rough` time over the memorial `gig` tomorrow.
FRIDAY: Felt a bit `low` so took a stroll in the park. Met everyone I didn`t want to meet but as ever, I was polite and tactile. Guess that`s why Tony Blur called me `the people`s mouse`. Memorial `gig` went well. Thousands of photographs taken. The Princess would have loved that.
SATURDAY: Got a phone call from my distinguished friend Sir Trebor MacDermott asking me to take part in his show `Britain`s Favourite View`. Easy! My favourite view is the `telly` is there anything better?!
SUNDAY: A day of peace, rest and reflection. I read and read and read. Well, it takes a while to get through all the `junk mail` shoved through the door.
MONDAY: David who lives here, was busy making some models of ships in bottles. He wasn`t very successful. After many hours, his task complete, he placed his effort on the coffee table for all to see. Trouble was, there wasn`t much to `see`. David looked deflated. "It`s an empty bottle!" Screamed his sister Olivia. And indeed it was. Tricky that `ship in a bottle` thing. When David`s mum and dad saw his efforts they were full of praise. "Wow, that`s clever" beamed his proud father. When David and Olivia were out of sight, I had `scribbled` a small label and stuck it on the bottle `ship-less` as it was. The label read: "The Mary Celeste". Result!
Week 4
MONDAY: Footie training went well but I miss my mates at Mousechester United and I`m sure Sir Alec Furball misses me. My wife Vicky loves it here in Americee. She went shopping while I trained and bought some bright, sparkling `goodies`. Sooh many shops here. I`m sure she`ll find something `Posh`. Hope she remembered to eat something. Photographers everywhere which can be embarrassing at times. She was in a shopping mall and saw a sign that read "Wet Floor" so she did! The photographers caught it all. Doh! Later, I found her staring at a cartoon of orange juice. When I asked her why she was staring at it so intently she replied "coz it says concentrate!
TUESDAY: I make movies. It’s my job. Action movies are fun. My mate Barnie Shawrzenegger made a few before he became `Guvnor` of `Californ-Ya`. It`s all pretend you know. `Make believe.` Some sad, sad folks seem to think it`s `real`. Too many idiots out on the streets playing the `big man` and causing misery. In a movie, if I `blast` someone `away` with my `Turbo Gun`, I know I`ll meet him later in the studio canteen. `Real Life` isn`t like that. You shoot someone and they’re dead. I `shoot` someone in a movie and 12 months down the line `they` give me a `best actor` award. You shoot someone in `Real Life` and you are the `biggest looser in the world` Get real. Get a `life` and make people happy-it`s fun! I`m only a little fellow but, even I know that `Life` is so precious, so fragile. Don`t waste it.
WEDNESDAY: Met my friend HRH The Queen today. Would love to be a `fly on the wall` during one of her meetings with Gordy the P.M. She loves this green and pleasant land soooh much!
THURSDAY: The Postie woke me by attempting to deliver a parcel to next door. I knew it was the Postman cause, the Postman always rings twice. There wasn`t anyone in. Made me think of Number 10 Downing St. There`s `Anarchy in the U.K` but P.M Gordy is as `quiet as a mouse. ...
FRIDAY:Sir Cliff popped round. Tears, tears, tears. Tiger Tim and tennis are no more. Told Sir Cliff not to make a `song and dance` about it PLEASE!
SATURDAY: Watched the best `comedy` on the telly! `The Ex- Factor` what a laugh!
SUNDAY: Poor Pamela Pintail `lost` one of her ducklings in the park. Turned out he was `playing` with Jack Pike! Hey,be careful out there!
MONDAY:"A mouse in his life plays many parts"! Yep, I`m `treading the boards` again
Week 3
MONDAY: Chavenage: Where the folks are fat but culture is thin on the ground. EVERY ONE wears trainers. Strange. The only exercise they undertake all day is squeezing their fat feet into their `bargain bucket` footwear.
TUESDAY: I love cuddling up to the radio but with this Foot n Mouth `thingy` going round, there’s no way I`m going near it when The Archers is on. Of course, I feel for the farmers and their families but there`s one farmers wife in particular that wont be in my thoughts. Wicked thing that one. Three cousins of mine visited her farmhouse in Surrey one time and didn`t receive a particularly warm welcome. She went a bit `loopy` and cut off their tails with a carving knife. Did you ever see such a thing in your life?! This was especially wicked as my three cousins are visually challenged. Hear `foot n mouth` has hit Surrey hard. Oh dear. Shame. Surrey seems to be the hardest word
WEDNESDAY: Tried some cheese I found in the kitchen. Charlotte Churchmouse asked me to share but, I didn`t. She looked cheesed off when I said "Frankly my dear, I don`t give Edam."
THURSDAY: Been looking at my `scrap-book of memories`. That`s what I call the album containing pics of my celebrity chums and me. Clinton`s in there. He was a cool guy till `Our Monica` came on the scene. I was there in the `Oval Office` when he complained about the catering. He told `Our Monica` to "Hold my calls and sack my cook" well; I think that`s what he said.
FRIDAY: In memory to my mate Elvis, I staged a tribute concert last night and the `ordinary mice` who live behind the skirting board are still `squeaking` about it. Poor old `Granny Mouse` was all shook up with me gyrating my pelvis. We even had a `gatecrasher`. That dog next door insisted he had an `invite` and as my friend, he had made some `Rabbit-Stew`! I had him evicted. "You never caught a rabbit AND you ‘aint` no friend of mine"! My `Jail-Mouse Rock` was a sensation! ...
SATURDAY: Met the `old bird` two doors down. She`s a Parrott. She came back to mine and after eating nearly everything in the house; she gave me a `peck` on the cheek. Went to bed later feeling unwell. Could be `Bird Flu.` No `headache` tablets anywhere. The Parrott’s et `em all!
SUNDAY: Met the `Mad March Hares` in the park. They are brothers. Harpo`s very quiet but his brother, Groucho March is a `scream`. They had an argument and Harpo left in a `huff`. Groucho told him to make it a "minute and a huff" so he did!
MONDAY: Where has summer gone? This year is flying past. The `Footie` season`s started so I better work on my `dribble`.
Week 2
MONDAY: Spotted some workmen clearing the park pond of rubbish. The surface of the lake was covered in algae. Cilla Squirriel enquired, “What’s it all about, Algae`?
TUESDAY: My latest movie going well. It`s great playing a cowboy again. I am `The Mouse With No Name`! My `Clint` has never been so popular.
WEDNESDAY: That nasty `Foot-in- Mouth` is back. Good job The Rt Hon John Prescock M.P is out of the `lime-light`. Goodness knows what `pearls of wisdom` he would be coming out with now. Met my mate Dick Van Duck in the park again. As usual he was dancing around everywhere. He is a strange duck. Just can`t place where he`s from. His `quack` sounds a bit `Cockney` but I think he`s a `Yank`.
THURSDAY: `Only good can come from good. Only evil can come from evil` said my mum Angel Mouse. She was right. Heard `Dad` ( he`s the `head` of the house where I live) telling his children to be very, very careful of `chat- rooms on the `net` where nasty people could pose as cool `good-guys`. He`s right to advise them. I heard a really sweet voice coming from behind the hedge in next doors garden. The `voice` said she was a pretty and funky field mouse. Thank my lucky stars a big bouncing dog barked nearby! Turned out the `voice` wasn`t a field mouse after all. It was a big fat ugly cat! Hey, be careful out there!
FRIDAY: I had a crafty peek at the newspapers. Doesn’t seem to be much happening in the world. That strange T.V programme `Big Bother` presented by Davina McCrawl is all over the papers. Ah well, I guess that`s a good thing. Can`t be any wars or famine to report on
SATURDAY: Oh how interesting. Blah Blah Blah. My former group `Break That` are everywhere. I suppose it keeps them of the streets and gives the boys a chance to `shine`.
SUNDAY: So busy. Haven’t really got time to write my diary but hey, an old movie star friend of mine once told me `keep a diary and one day it will keep you` so, here goes... Working with Kate Mouse soon that`s if her boyfriend Pete Dohertwee leaves her alone for a bit. She`s always rushing everywhere. Last I saw her, she had been baking and had white baking powder all over her face and hands. We are `guesting` on a celebrity talent-show together later in the year. Sunny outside, so go for a walk.
MONDAY: Watched `Dick and Judy`s Book Club` on the telly. Some good stuff. Inspired me to do a bit of writing. Had a nice long sleep. It`s so warm and I get tired very easily. What will my `pen-name` be for my next book? John Mortimouse, Aidan Caine, Alan Titchmouse? Think I`ll leave that one for my dreams to work on. Noticed earlier how many folk are dressing like me with `bling`, `shades`, the yellow track-suit. Once, there were the `Teds` and the `Mods`. Everyone`s trying to be `Me` now. The press calls them the `Fames.` The people who live in my house have all gone shopping to Chavenage in Hertfordshire. Lucky them. I`m going back to bed.
Week 1
MONDAY: It has been a worrying few weeks what with all the floods and all. There`s auntie Dora up in Lancashire and cousin Silas in Peterborough. Rain, rain, rain. The roads are flooded. Just saw three men in a boat. Hey, that gives me an idea. Might do a bit of writing later.
TUESDAY: Dear oh dear. Just saw one of my celebrity friends on the telly. What is she up to? She is a big cheese that Paris Stilton well, she`s worth a bit. Just can`t figure out what she does. Some of us have real talent and some just manage to convince the world that possibly, just possibly they are famous. Funny girl that Paris Stilton. All that publicity for being rich. Very tired. Went to bed early.
WEDNESDAY: Told Brown to keep an eye on Bush. `He won`t know who you are` I explained and he didn`t! `Were you in that Blair Ditch Project thing?` Asked Bush of Brown. Four hours later when he realised the Prime Minister was Scottish, he suddenly thought he knew who Brown was. `Ahh, Scottie? Star Twerp? Beam me up Captain`! Exclaimed an excited President Bush. I was there to see Brown roll his eye and mumble under his breath, `She can`ee hold Cap`tn`!
THURSDAY: Gee I am soooh rich! Those premium-rate telephone lines are fun! When I`m on TV, people ring in their thousands to win a prize and wow! What a prize! I get all their cash!
FRIDAY: The Bee Bee Cee ask me to host a new quiz show but I`m a bit too busy and offer the job to my dear friend Dimple Donny Ozmond.
SATURDAY: Withdrawal symptoms! My fave two talent shows, `Any Queen Will Do` and `Cheese is The Words aren`t on!
SUNDAY: Watch the TV show `Stash In The Attic` where Jenni Blond helps viewers to `flog` their `hot` goods.
MONDAY: The rain has stopped for a bit. Looks sunny out. Pop to park to see my mate `Wirrial The Squirrel`. Hear on TV that Westerns are back in vogue. Thinking of turning out a new one. Be good to star in another `Spaghetti- Hoops` Western as the legendary `Mouse With No Name`
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